


Raunchy Nursery Rhymes

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Kiddie Lit Revisited [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternative Universe - Nursery Rhymes, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Baa Baa Black Sheep - Parody, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Hey Diddle Diddle - Parody, Humor, Jack and Jill - Parody, Little Boy Blue - Parody, Little Jack Horner - Parody, London Bridge Is Falling Down - Parody, M/M, Male Slash, Mary Had A Little Lamb - Parody, Mary Mary Quite Contrary - Parody, Naughtiness, Naughty, Nursery Rhyme Parody, Nursery Rhyme References, Nursery Rhymes, Nursery Rhymes Parodies, Old King Cole - Parody, Parodies, Parody, Ring-A-Round The Rosie - Parody, Rock-A-Bye Baby - Parody, Slash, Smut, Star Trek Humor, spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 14:24:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11511249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Naughtiness happens when sex-driven Spock and McCoy get loose in the land of children's literature.Traditional versions of nursery rhymes are included for sanity's sake.





	Raunchy Nursery Rhymes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sandy (Account Deleted)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sandy+%28Account+Deleted%29).



> From a plot bunny in a comment from mindbender on June 20, 2017. mindbender should also be acknowledged for helping to inspire the idea for "Gold Into Base Metal."
> 
> I warned you, Esperata, that something 'different' was headed your way.

Hey Diddle Diddle

Traditional  
Hey diddle diddle,  
The cat and the fiddle,  
The cow jumped over the moon.  
The little dog laughed,  
To see such fun,  
And the dish ran away with the spoon. 

Parody  
None need be riddled,  
The Doc has been diddled,  
Riding in their rocket ship,  
By a Vulcan named Spock  
And his mighty cock.  
Both said ‘twas one helluva trip!

 

Baa, Baa, Black Sheep

Traditional  
Baa, baa, black sheep,  
Have you any wool?  
Yes, sir, yes, sir,  
Three bags full;  
One for the master,  
And one for the dame,  
And one for the little boy  
Who lives down the lane.

Parody  
Hey, Spock! Hey, Spock!  
Do you fuck Doc’s hole?  
Yes, sir, yes, sir,  
Or I do a blow.  
No, Spock! No, Spock!  
Earthlings need to rest!  
Why so? Why so?  
I do what he loves best!

 

Jack And Jill

Traditional  
Jack and Jill went up the hill  
To fetch a pail of water  
Jack fell down and broke his crown,  
And Jill came tumbling after.

Parody  
Spock and Len  
Slept nude ‘til ten  
With not a sheet worth stitchin.’  
Though Spock caught cold,  
His cock’s still bold.  
At least the Doc’s not bitchin!’

 

Mary Had A Little Lamb

Traditional  
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb,  
little lamb, Mary had a little lamb  
whose fleece was white as snow.  
And everywhere that Mary went  
Mary went, Mary went, everywhere  
that Mary went  
The lamb was sure to go.

Parody  
Spock produced a great big hard,  
Great big hard,  
Great big hard.  
Spock produced a great big hard  
And won’t get rid of it.  
He’s waiting for the Doc to show,  
Doc to show,  
Doc to show.  
He’s waiting for the Doc to show,  
To help get rid of it.

 

Little Boy Blue

Traditional  
Little Boy Blue,  
Come blow your horn,  
The sheep's in the meadow,  
The cow's in the corn;  
But where is the boy  
Who looks after the sheep?  
He's under a haystack,  
He's fast asleep.  
Will you wake him?  
No, not I,  
For if I do,  
He's sure to cry.

 

Parody  
Doctor McCoy!  
Spock needs your help.  
He’s one helluva shape  
And just wants to yelp.  
Can you jerk him off?  
Perhaps lick him clean?  
Lean over and let him  
Into your jeans?  
Doctor McCoy!  
Now, right now!  
He’s made sickbay  
A garbage scow.

 

London Bridge Is Falling Down

Traditional  
London Bridge is falling down,  
Falling down, falling down.  
London Bridge is falling down,  
My fair lady.

Parody  
Spock and Doc are dressed in drag,  
Dressed in drag,  
Dressed in drag.  
Spock and Doc are dressed in drag,  
Our fair ladies!

 

Rock-A-Bye Baby

Traditional  
Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,  
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,  
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,  
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Parody  
Rock away, Vulcan, o’er Leonard’s crack.  
Eyeball to eyeball, the Doc’s on his back.  
Doc’s on his tummy, for most of the time.  
However Doc’s lying is pleasure sublime.

 

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

Traditional  
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,  
How does your garden grow?  
With silver bells, and cockle shells,  
And pretty maids all in a row.

Parody  
Doctor, Doctor, never wander  
From my bed too long.  
Don’t you know my penis hardens  
Every time you come along?

 

Little Jack Horner

Traditional  
Little Jack Horner  
Sat in the corner,  
Eating a Christmas pie;  
He put in his thumb,  
And pulled out a plum,  
And said 'What a good boy am I!'

Parody  
Spock eyed the crevasse  
Of Leonard’s fine ass.  
“What do I do with it now?”  
By sticking in thumb,  
He crushed Leonard’s plum.  
Now that’s all that Doc will allow.

 

Old King Cole

Traditional  
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,  
And a merry old soul was he;  
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl,  
And he called for his fiddlers three.

Parody  
Poor, tired Spock collapsed as he rocked.  
Mutated Pon Farr bent Doc’s knees.  
Spock needed Viagra, admitting to shock,  
And complained, “Won‘t Death set me free?!”

 

Ring-A-Round The Rosie

Traditional  
Ring-a-round the rosie,  
A pocket full of posies,  
Ashes! Ashes!  
We all fall down.

Parody  
Thumb beside Doc’s asshole  
To guide Spock‘s stiffened flagpole.  
Plunge in! Plunge in!  
Now Spock is home.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
